Not an Instrument

8:39 AM 0 Comments

Well, today I’ve felt the pain of not helping someone when I was prompted by the Spirit to do so.
Here’s what happened. As I was driving on the free way I was passing one of the Lehi exits and I saw a car on the right hand side of the road with 2 people outside the car. I was in the lane next to the HOV lane, but I could see them as if I was almost standing right next to them. One of them was holding his face in his hand. My first instinct was to simply pull over and help them. But I just just drove by. I passed one exit and I felt I should simply turn around to help them, but then I didn’t get off the exit, then I thought even stronger that I should just get off the next exit and I did change lanes quickly, but again I missed the exit. I’ve never felt so strongly to help someone on the side of the road before. It’s like I felt the pain of the person stranded by the side of the road. Every scenario was running through my head, as if I was the one in the situation. “My first day at work and I’m stuck on the side of the road. My family counting on me but I’m stuck on the side of the road. I can’t even call anyone because I can’t afford a cell phone. My wife is in the hospital and I can’t see her. My child needs me and I can’t go and get them.” Several more thoughts came to me but I still couldn’t get rid of the thought that I knew that if I stopped it could take a while and I wouldn’t be able to make it to get my braces tightened. Yeah like that's of super importance. I deserve to be stuck on the road and need a ride without anyone helping me because of it. Writing this out makes my situation sound petty and non important, and the feelings of sorrow for not following my prompting, compared to how much better I would have felt had I stopped to help. My sorrow comes from not heeding to the Spirit’s prompting. I know I am still learning it’s voice, but I’m afraid HF won’t trust me as his instrument here on earth. I need Him to trust me, I want Him to trust me.

After the appointment, I went back to see if they were still there. They were! I pulled over next to their car. I asked them if they needed a lift (yeah like forever ago). One of them said, they have a tow truck coming so they have to wait but a ride would have been better an hour ago. The exact time I passed by. Can't believe it, I could have helped. The words pierced my heart and soul. I made a promise, to try harder next time to forget about myself and help others the way He would have me help them. I’ll try to live my life better and maybe I'll get that opportunity again to prove myself an instrument in His hands. Why did I even have to think about it. Sometimes I hate myself for being so human.